Frozen in Time

After Gram passed away it was weird going downstairs. Things were quiet, empty. No body knew what to do. It didn't seem right to be down their watching tv or hanging out.

I went down and just started taking pictures of the room because I knew family was coming and I don't know how much things would change and how fast.

I remember putting these notes up on the wall. In the early days right after Max was born Gram used to need help going the the bathroom (commode style). I was on call during the days because everyone else was working. There was a time though where we were going to be out of town or needed some help or something. I don't quite remember but we had a number of Relief Society women who came and helped so to help them know what to do as far as helping Gram transfer from the bed to the chair or the chair to the commode, I made lots of notes and a diagram because it really was tricky and something that took practice to have go smoothly.

It's so weird now 7 months later making weekend plans and not feeling like we need to tell someone or make plans to cover for us during the day or times we're going to be gone.  Or even just leaving the house, sometimes I still feel like I need to do something because I would always try to let her know I was going and when I would be back and see if she needed anything.

Part of her room. She insisted on the color purple because she loved color. 

A panoramic view of her room. That oval picture of the pioneer woman next to the door was low to the ground and Davis always made a beeline for it and loved to take it down, put it up, then take it down again. I always tried to keep him from messing up too much of her area but she always said it was ok.

A couple months or so after when I was able to get the room cleaned out, Davis found that picture and even with the room emptied he tried to hang it in the same spot it always was. I burst out crying and had to leave the room. I wonder if he will remember her. He always loved going downstairs.

Her bed. The pastor at the hospital said their was a group of woman who make quilts for people who might need them and when she was put into comfort care a few hours before she passed he had me go with him to their chapel where there was a room with walls full of beautiful quilts and he asked me to pick one for her. I picked the brightest one of the bunch (the blue and green one) and she got to have it with her during the rest of the time in the hospital. She spent so much time making quilts for others she had one made for her. It was nice to see her with one because she didn't really want anything from home so the hospital room just looked hospital-y. This bright quilt was much more her.

Her cardigans, grabbers and calendars. She had many of each.

Just as she left it.

A picture I believe Gabe did for her that she kept right next to her sewing desk.

She had this poster up since I was  young.

And these ones she wrote out herself.

These I remember Grampy doing. He went through some time where he did a lot of these signs and things in a graphics program. Love it.

The downstairs.

Right now, again 7 months after, we have made a lot of changes so it will fit the needs of our family (these boys are growing fast and have tons of energy). It has been weird and hard for me going through all the rooms cleaning, sorting, deciding what to keep and not. I had to do it with the upstairs when Grampy passed away as well which was just as hard but I did what I could doing only what I could handle at any given time then went back to it when I was able to. Mostly it was me going through things, Jason wanted to help but it was really something I had to do myself. I know it would have been much harder on mom doing it. So again, just bit by bit drawers were cleaned out, decisions made, things cleaned.

I have never seen that room look much different than this. But there were so many times when she told me throughout our 6 years living here that we needed to make the house our own, that it was just stuff. And it's true, it is just stuff. Change is just hard.

Gram's food area. The boys LOVED raiding it and she loved sharing with them.

On her stool was a piece of fabric that mom had just got for part of a quilt she was making for a woman in our ward. Afterwards my mom finished that quilt and gave it to her.

Some pictures of Gram when she was younger.