After my mission I was pretty good about it due to all those religion classes and especially since I taught at the MTC for two years for 3-4 hours a day where I got PAID to study it, teach it, and share it with missionaries heading off to proclaim the gospel (talk about best job ever). Teaching those missionaries changed me and I am positive I learned much more from them than they ever did from me.
Then I had kids. I only had a short three weeks between the MTC and having Mr. Levi. Boy was motherhood a shocker. For the next three months studying my scriptures was not usually the top of my list, considering I was living on 1-2 hours of sleep at a time and was pretty much a walking zombie with an internal voice saying "sleep, sleep, need more sleep" and that's about it. Then it got better and I could do something else besides obsess about sleep and figure out how to really make the gospel and scriptures part of my life, my real live crazy mommy life. Figuring all this out was particularly hard because growing up scripture study, family prayer, family home evening and even family dinners were spotty at best, and in Jason's family it was pretty similar (except for the dinner thing I think).
Fast forward to today. I think back to those days when I thought I could do a minimum of one hour a day of quiet scripture study and just sit to bask in the spirit for long stretches of time. That goal is great and some may be able to do it, but I can't. At least not at this point in my life as much as I'd like to. But being a mother has taught me more about the gospel than I could have ever imagined. Lately I have able to have amazing moments, some even more powerful than what I felt as a missionary while going about my ordinary day or when I'm able to take a moment to read from the scriptures, Ensign or other church books.
Sitting down to share a scripture story or being in the car explaining a basic gospel principal with my boys have brought countless spiritual experiences. What an amazing gift it is to be able to teach a child, because like it was at the MTC, I am pretty sure I am learning more than they are. Being a mother has helped me better understand my own personal relationship with my Heavenly Father in a way that I couldn't even fathom and better understand how wonderfully simple the gospel is.
While we're not perfect at scripture study, family prayer, family home evenings and family dinners we are learning together how to make them an integral part of our lives. I'm extremely grateful for my opportunity to be a mother and how it has changed me as a person. And most especially grateful for all my boys and their patience with me and my not so perfect self.
3 comments:
you rock kendra! such an inspiration to me! :)
I definitely have had to make adjustments in my scripture reading goals in the last two years too. A solid hour of peaceful quite study is rarely possible for me. I'm learning that the Lord will make the most of what we give. Right now (for me) that is at least a chapter a day... usually done while nursing Ginny during Raymond's nap. Sometimes done at night when both are asleep. I try to add in conference talks on the computer while making dinner etc. It's not an hour (or even half an hour most days!)... but if I'm doing my best, I know it's enough.
I feel similarly about the temple while nursing a baby. It's so hard!! But I know my efforts are recognized. And I have the hope that someday I'll be able to put in more time.
You are doing great!
Yeah, an hour a day would require waking up at 5am. I just remember how quiet Sacrament meeting used to be and how easy is was to feel the spirit. Not as easy anymore, but there is no way I would be where I'm at today, if it weren't for my kids :)
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